I know why men think women are crazy--because we are. We can't decide how we feel. One minute I'm pining over someone who's told me that if it weren't for this one circumstance about our situation that really shouldn't be that big of a deal, we would probably be really close. But he's afraid to take a chance on something that could be great.
A few days later, I'm looking at him and thinking, "There are some things about him I really like, but there are some things about him that would drive me absolutely nuts!" The question is, would the things I like about him outweigh the things that would drive me to the brink of insanity? All speaking hypothetically, of course, since he's afraid to date me--I have great luck with relationships, huh?
So here comes the five-minute rule. A rule invented by my sometimes-wise, sometimes certifiably crazy friend who I'm no longer allowed to mention by name online. But the five-minute rule was definitely one of his moments of wisdom. The five-minute rule goes like this: You have to look past the first five minutes with someone. How you feel during the first five minutes when you see them, during the first five minutes when you part, and the figurative first five minutes of the relationship. Because no matter how great you feel in the first five minutes that you see them, or how lonely in the first five minutes when they leave, or how on cloud nine you are at the beginning of the relationship, you still have to deal with all the minutes that come after the first five.
So after I wrote my last post, I started thinking that it was ridiculous to expend so much energy and emotion on someone who I might never be with, and if I am, who might not pass the five-minute test. I decide I need to at least try to meet some new people. And I've been talking to a couple of guys who seem really nice, but I find myself being very cynical, and I've figured out why.
There's a flaw in the five-minute rule. I'm not sure if there's anyone who can pass it. Maybe I'm not patient enough, maybe I'm not tolerant enough, I don't know. But everybody that I know drives me crazy in some way or another, even those who are closest to me and who I love with all my heart. But I put my sanity at risk because I love them. So there's an amendment to the five-minute rule--you have to decide if a person is worth risking your sanity, is worth loving.
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2 comments:
I'm about five kinds of crazy so I feel your pain. Here's my thought pattern...
1) Come home after a day at work and think, "It would be nice if somebody was here to hear about my day."
2) Start feeling sorry for myself for being single: "I'll never find anyone." (Insert whining here.)
3) Get mad at myself for getting moody when faced with an empty apartment: "Damn it, I don't need anyone. It's drama I don't need right now." (Stomping and cursing usually come in at this point.)
4) Then I try to convince myself I'm single by choice: "Hell, I annoy me... so it must be 10 times worse for everyone else. Why would I subject any person to that?" (The defiant nod I attempt doesn't quite come off.)
5) Then I give myself a pep talk (in my mother's voice). "Anyone would be lucky to have you! You're smart, funny, honest, loyal and you're decent at pool."
6) Then I jump to the conclusion that I'm not dating someone because I'm obviously too cool for my own good. "No guy wants to date a girl who is so laid-back. He wants a girl who has more product in her hair than he does."
7) Then I... well, you get the point. I usually repeat #2-6 at varying degrees until I get so frustrated I think I'll just have to be content with having a gay best friend and periodic sex. That is, until I come home from work the next day.
See?! We women are crazy. Crazy I tell you! It's a vicious cycle. First five minutes? I'd be happy to make it 30 seconds.
Listen guys, what is wrong with you? You are not crazy, by no means. You are single women, and there isn't a damn thing wrong with that. Want to hear crazy?
I am about to get married. This means that from this point on, my privacy, my socialization, my everything that was mine alone is now on a shared basis.
You have the freedom now to go and do what you want, when you want, and it doesn't have to be a "discussed" issue. Your money is yours, your LIFE is your own personal business. Enjoy that while you can.
Looking for love is a heartbreaking experience and there are those of us who find it and still wonder what the hell we are doing with it.
Is it better to be in love and have someone, or is it better to be alone and have freedom?
Getting lonely isn't an emotion that is experienced simply because you are single. It happens whether you have a significant other or not. And as far as sex, there are always guys out there more than happy to oblige with a "booty call" and would be more than willing to make that a permanent thing. No other strings attached. Everyone single should have at least one of those pals.
Give yourself time to find that right one. If he can't find the balls to be with you, then chances are, he won't ever have the balls when you really need him. If you love and care about someone, it shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks, where you work, or anything in-between.
Dont rush something that will come to you in good time, and don't give up either. There's a whole world waiting out there for you - do you really need a man to make you feel better being in it?
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