Oops

I didn't go to the church I was thinking about trying Sunday. I accidentally took my dog's Benadryl Saturday night (long story) and overslept. Maybe I can talk Tasha into going with me next week.

The Absence of Noise

I finally got the overly loud, constantly running fan on my laptop fixed this week. It's been that way for awhile, but I keep putting off contacting Dell, because I assumed I'd have to send it back and be without my computer for awhile, and I really need it for freelance work. But I had reached a point where it was completely driving me crazy, and where I might be able to get by without the comp for a bit.

I was pleasantly surprised though...I used Dell's online support to report the problem, and was told that a technician would contact me in 1-2 business days to schedule a maintenance call. That's right, they came to me. So two days later, the Dell guy came out, and my computer is now blissfully silent. It's taken some getting used to though. I didn't quite know what to do for a few days, when I would boot up my computer and not be greeted with an annoying hum. It almost seemed like something was wrong, I had become so used to it. I told a friend, it was like going home for spring break from college and trying to sleep at night without the sound of the freight train that ran by my dorm going by every 30 minutes.

In other news, I think I might go to church tomorrow. Okay, you can close your mouths now. Yes, the heathen might go to church. But this is nothing like the narrow-minded church I grew up in. It's a Unitarian Universalist church. They don't adhere to a specific doctrine, and don't believe there is only one particular means of having access to God. One of my old editors once asked me if I'd ever been to one, and said I might find it interesting. Basically, from what I gather, it's more a forum for personal growth and the betterment of society than it is a "religion."

I've actually thought about going to a service for a long time. Part of me held back, because I thought, what's the point of a church service if you don't adhere to a particular doctrine? But the more I think about it, the more I realize there is a benefit in belonging to a church that I have been missing--the gathering together of a group of people to say, "We want to be good people. We want to be the kind of people who help those in need and defend the weak."

I've even thought about trying to find some kind of liberal Christian church for that reason, but I know that I would feel uncomfortable and hypocritical, because no matter how liberal the church, it would still preach a doctrine that I don't completely believe. The more I mull the idea of going to a Unitarian church, though, the more intriqued I am. In many ways, I believe those who attend there are more likely to be altruistic than those you'd find at traditional churches. Ultimately, most of the world's religions are motivated by a fear of punishment (hell), a promise of reward (heaven), or a combination of the two. The Unitarian church requires no belief in either, so its members are there simply looking a greater purpose--something I'm looking for as well.

I can't have kids...

...Because my dog alone is more than I can handle. Not that he's too much work--actually, he's relatively easy. He's exceptionally well-behaved, particularly since he's just a year old. I don't worry about him chewing anything, except the occassional nibble on my blankets, he never has "accidents," and though he's still a little excitable when he meets new people, he listens well and calms down pretty quickly. So all I really have to do is give him food and water, take him for walks, a bath now and then, and lots of affection.

It's the emotional toll. About two weeks ago, he started developing a rash on his belly and under his arms. He had a similar one about the same time last year, when he was still a pup, that went away on its own. I already know he has allergies, because I have to give him Benadryl from time to time for these huge eye "boogies" gets. (See, I'm being just like a parent--talking freely about gross stuff as if it isn't gross because it has to do with my baby's well-being). Anyway, I naturally attributed the rash to allergies and started giving him Benadryl. That seemed to be helping, but then this weekend he was playing in a little wooded area with some high grass, and by Sunday evening, he was broken out horribly all over his neck and chin--it even started bleeding.

So Monday I called the vet first thing, hoping to get an appointment that evening after work. Of course they didn't have any evening appointments open until Thursday. I fret all day Monday, knowing my baby is itchy and miserable. It finally occurs to me that I can probably drop him off in the morning and pick him up after work. I call, and yes, I can. That relieves me somewhat.

Still, I spent a good chunk of time yesterday when I was supposed to be working looking up stuff about doggie allergies instead. I got advice ranging from changing his pet food to giving him honey to finding a holistic vet (I didn't know there was such a thing).

This morning I dropped him off, leaving him for only the second time in his life with strangers--the first time was when he got fixed, so I'm pretty sure I'm still not forgiven for that. The girl went to take him to the back, and I quickly turned to leave, fighting the urge to speak to him in my "puppy" voice (it's basically the equivalent of the "goo-goo, ga-ga" baby voice), because I know that will make him anxious. He had been happily sniffing the vet tech (in his mind, his new friend), but as soon as he saw me leaving, he started trotting after me--because I'm mommy, so of course he's supposed to go where I go. I turned back, gave him a quick goodbye and told him he was going to stay there so they could make him better. I guess he believed me, because he then followed his new friend to the back.

I worried about him all day, even though I already knew what was wrong and, thanks to my online research, the basic course of treatment. But I worry because I know he's always going to have problems with this, because I know he's in a strange place with strange people and because he was getting poked and prodded without me there to reassure him. I know, I'm pathetic.

Now he is home and happily chasing his tail. Barely phased by the bath he just had (the vet gave me medicated shampoo and said to use it twice a week, and Alex desperately hates baths--he stands there quietly, but looks at me with big, sad brown eyes as if he really believes the sole purpose of a bath is to test his love for me).

So my logical side tells me that I'm being an overprotective, overattached mother. But my logical side has to keep arguing with my emotional side. Truth is, I love that dog to death. I love the way he acts like a clown, with that big happy smile, I love the way he looks at me with so much pure trust, then slowly sticks his nose out toward and gives me a kiss. I even love the way he's scared of the littlest things, despite the fact that he's so big and strong. If I get this attached to a dog, why in the world would I be crazy enough to have kids?

I Heart Jon Stewart

Stewart in '08.

I honestly believe that America would be hard-pressed to find a better man for president than Jon Stewart. With Anderson Cooper as his VP, of course.

I have been an ardent fan of Jon Stewart and The Daily Show for several years now, and my respect for him as an exceptionally intelligent, compassionate and moral man who uses his sense of humor to make the points that the mainstream media is afraid to make grows nearly every time I watch him.

But today, I think I was even more impressed with him than I've ever been, as I watched a DVRed episode from June 6, when he passionately and convincingly argued against a ban on gay marriage with an obviously stumbling and overwhelmed Bill Bennett.

Check it out yourself. I hope Jon Stewart was the captain of his high school debate team.

City Lights

Thursday my boss called me into her office and asked if I would like to go along with the sales staff for this huge trade show in NYC. Hell yeah!

I'm not in sales, I'm a writer, so it's not normally the kind of thing I'd go along for, this is a reward for the work I've done since starting there in January.

I've been to New York once, for a weekend. It was in '98, my sophomore year of college--a trip I took with an honors fine arts class. I hadn't been that excited about the trip beforehand. I didn't know many people in the class that well, and at this point in my life I hadn't really been to many "big cities," growing up in the small town of Grove City, Pennsylvania--aka, Bubble City. I was also only beginning to escape the coccoon of painful shyness that I hid in during high school, so the prospect of going to New York City was a bit intimidating to say the least.

I was definitely surprised. I immediately fell in love with the city. It was so big and vast--here you could do anything, be anyone, meet any kind of person. With so many people, it kind of erased the need to be self-conscious. Walking along the busy streets there, who was going to notice if I were having a bad hair day? Or if I needed to lose five pounds? There was freedom for me in that anonymity.

Even more than that, I loved the allure of seeing, experiencing, hearing new things. But all of it had to be packed into three short days. Luckily, we got a lot in--the Metropolitan Museum of Art, the Museum of Modern Art, St. Patrick's Cathedral, the Empire State Building, Times Square, an off-Broadway show and Radio City Music Hall.

Ever since that trip, I've always wanted to go back, but have yet to make it. That desire only grew after Sept. 11. I need to go to Ground Zero. Everybody does. I didn't know anybody personally affected by the tragedy, but I believe, as an American citizen, I need to stand there and remember and mourn.

Not just for those who were lost that day, but for the family and friends they left behind; for a nation that has lost its innocence; for a nation that responded in the best possible way immediately after a tragedy; for a nation that has now lost its focus and not learned the lesson of that day; and for the soldiers who have fought and are still fighting an unjustified war in the name of revenge.

In just a little more than a month, I will be back in the Big Apple, a far different person than I was the first time I was there, in likely a far different city. Since then I have been to London, traveled most of the Southeast, was even fortunate enough to make it to Mardi Gras before Katrina hit. I've struck out on my own, had some huge career moments, fallen in love, fallen out of love, had my heart broken, made friendships and lost friendships. I am fortunate, blessed and very aware of it.

Anybody who knew me before I left Pennsylvania and still knows me now can tell you that I bear little resemblance to the quiet, insecure girl who left that little town almost 10 years ago. I still see remnants of that girl from time to time, but it's very seldom. In fact, when the topic of what you were like in high school comes up and I mention how extremely shy I was--most people who know me now find it hard to believe.

That self-transformation began about the same time as my first trip to New York, I can't wait to find out how I will see the city now, through new eyes.

How can there be so many...

...styles of tweezers? And nail clippers, cuticle trimmers and eyelash curlers? I needed a pair of tweezers, so I stopped in the health and beauty section while I was at WalMart tonight. And as I stared at the glimmering assortment of metalic grooming tools available to me, I was in awe--there must have been at least 20 different tweezer choices, ranging from 88 cents to almost $14. Yes--$14 for tweezers. If I pay $14 for tweezers, they better be automatic--you know I could just sit there while the tweezers float magically around, tweezing my brows. And they better be painless.

How could we as a society possibly need that many kinds of tweezers? I think it definitely illustrates that our current value system may be a little warped.

For the record, I bought the 88 cent pair.