Monday, March 28, 2005
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
Variety is the spice of life
I would never make it in accounting or any other profession where you do the same thing every day.
In my last job, I:
In my last job, I:
- Interviewed a woman who carried a photo album full of professional portraits of her miniature poodle, dressed in a different homemade outfit in each picture.
- Read Dr. Seuss to kindergartners and got pictures of a teacher dressed as the Cat in the Hat, admiring a plate of green eggs and ham.
- Watched a principal lip-sync to Elvis, then perform in a gorilla suit a year later.
- Witnessed the sadness, beauty, healing, power, and humanity that is most evident at times of tragedy, when we are at our most vulnerable.
- Met real heroes.
- Met real people, who honored me by sharing their stories.
- Taken a ride in a steam locomotive.
- Supervised film crews.
- Been interviewed on TV.
- Had toddlers stare at me in awe while dressed up as Sir Topham Hat (from Thomas the Tank Engine).
- Jumped onto a moving train.
- Climbed onto the roof of the largest roundhouse in the country.
- Met people dedicated to a cause, willing to give freely of their time and talent.
I can say this--my jobs have not always been easy, they have not always been fun, but they have never, ever been boring.
Thursday, March 17, 2005
A borrowed idea
A friend of mine posted A Few Things That Make Me Happy (In No Particular Order) on a group blog we both belong to. I liked the idea, and did my own version, below and as a comment on her post. Please feel free to add your own.
Finding the perfect picture through my camera lens.
Finding the perfect picture through the lens that's always in my head, even when I'm not carrying a camera.
Laughing so hard that I'm afraid my drink will come out my nose.
A weeping willow at sunset.
Memories of walking through London at dusk.
Late-night talks with girlfriends.
First kisses.
A guy's strong, soft hand on your face when you kiss.
Driving on the first warm day of spring with the windows down and the radio blaring.
Finding the exact words you want.
Realizing there are no words for what you want to say.
Finding the perfect picture through my camera lens.
Finding the perfect picture through the lens that's always in my head, even when I'm not carrying a camera.
Laughing so hard that I'm afraid my drink will come out my nose.
A weeping willow at sunset.
Memories of walking through London at dusk.
Late-night talks with girlfriends.
First kisses.
A guy's strong, soft hand on your face when you kiss.
Driving on the first warm day of spring with the windows down and the radio blaring.
Finding the exact words you want.
Realizing there are no words for what you want to say.
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
No place like home
Randi (my roommate) and I are moving out of an apartment complex we hate in May, and are hoping to rent an actual house--a driveway, porch, yard, the whole bit. So we did a little scouting this weekend and found a couple places we liked. Today, we picked up keys to four places from this one realtor, and we may have found a new home.
The house is in this nice little neighborhood, with a huge yard for Randi's dog, Winnie, to play in. We had to go after work, and the power was turned out, so an outsider observing us might have been rather amused, watching us go from room to room with our little flashlight, oohing and aahing over the "luxuries" we found--an icemaker, a fan in the bathroom (yes, we are missing that in our current location), and a real pantry! Winnie seemed to approve too--we took her with us, and she ran from room to room, checking out all the smells.
It will just be so nice to feel like we actually have a home, not just a place to sleep. It seems like such a comfy little place, and even the street name is perfect--Snowbird Lane. Best of all, the rent for this three bedroom house is exactly what we're paying now, in a two bedroom apartment. I can't wait till May!!!
The house is in this nice little neighborhood, with a huge yard for Randi's dog, Winnie, to play in. We had to go after work, and the power was turned out, so an outsider observing us might have been rather amused, watching us go from room to room with our little flashlight, oohing and aahing over the "luxuries" we found--an icemaker, a fan in the bathroom (yes, we are missing that in our current location), and a real pantry! Winnie seemed to approve too--we took her with us, and she ran from room to room, checking out all the smells.
It will just be so nice to feel like we actually have a home, not just a place to sleep. It seems like such a comfy little place, and even the street name is perfect--Snowbird Lane. Best of all, the rent for this three bedroom house is exactly what we're paying now, in a two bedroom apartment. I can't wait till May!!!
Monday, March 14, 2005
My crazy wonderful terrible beautiful life
Flashback from five minutes ago...
My roommate appears in my doorway, a tissue hanging from one nostril as she tries to stop a nosebleed. "How mudch egsperiunce duh you have unclodging a toilet?" she asks me.
My stupified response: "Well, I can't say I have any specialized training in it."
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my life. Ain't it great? It's a good thing I have crazy friends and possibly an even crazier family. If laughter really is the best medicine, I may live to be 150.
My roommate appears in my doorway, a tissue hanging from one nostril as she tries to stop a nosebleed. "How mudch egsperiunce duh you have unclodging a toilet?" she asks me.
My stupified response: "Well, I can't say I have any specialized training in it."
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my life. Ain't it great? It's a good thing I have crazy friends and possibly an even crazier family. If laughter really is the best medicine, I may live to be 150.
Sunday, March 13, 2005
Why I'm not a web page designer
So I've had this blog for a little more than a month now. At first it was just an "on a whim" kind of thing, but now I'm starting to get into, trying to add new things (I've got a guest book now! Please sign it!). But the one thing I've been trying to do since the beginning was to add a photo to my profile.
Blogger said to download Hello. I tried that, and though the software's pretty awkward, I figured out how to send a photo as a post, but still not how to put one in my profile. Well, after I stumbled on the service I use for my guestbook, I realized that same site offers photo hosting, so I could post a photo there, then use the URL link to put it in my profile.
Oh, genius me. I copy and past the link, and wa-la, there's a photo in my profile. Brilliant. But then I pull up my blog--no photo. Go back to the profile--no photo. Resave my profile--photo's back. Pull up my blog--there's a photo! Close out the page, reopen the blog just to be sure--no photo. Try it again and the photo's back. Someone in cyberspace is playing hide-and-go seek with my photo. So if when this page loads, there's a spot that looks like it should have a photo, but it has a red X instead, I'm sorry. I've done what I can.
Blogger said to download Hello. I tried that, and though the software's pretty awkward, I figured out how to send a photo as a post, but still not how to put one in my profile. Well, after I stumbled on the service I use for my guestbook, I realized that same site offers photo hosting, so I could post a photo there, then use the URL link to put it in my profile.
Oh, genius me. I copy and past the link, and wa-la, there's a photo in my profile. Brilliant. But then I pull up my blog--no photo. Go back to the profile--no photo. Resave my profile--photo's back. Pull up my blog--there's a photo! Close out the page, reopen the blog just to be sure--no photo. Try it again and the photo's back. Someone in cyberspace is playing hide-and-go seek with my photo. So if when this page loads, there's a spot that looks like it should have a photo, but it has a red X instead, I'm sorry. I've done what I can.
Friday, March 11, 2005
The safety wall
There are not many people who really know me, because there are not many people who I let get very close to me. There's a reason for that--almost everyone in my life who I've let in close has ended up hurting me.
I think that most of my friends think I am a strong person. They're wrong. I'm fragile and weak, and that's why I put up this wall. Every time I've let somebody in, trusted someone not to hurt me, just to find that trust was misplaced, it hurts so much that I think I can't do it again, can't trust someone else. So that people can't see how weak I really am, I usually hide the extent of the hurt. You might catch me shedding a tear or two, but most of the crying I do will be in my pillow at night. And still, for some reason, I eventually let somebody else in, past the safety wall.
There is one person in my life who knows me better than anybody else. And he is the one person who I've never worried about letting too close, because he is the one person I thought I would never have to worry about hurting me. Now that I realize I was wrong about that, I'm back to square one when it comes to deciding who is "safe" to let in.
Do you remember when your parents or teachers told you to be careful what you say, because you can't take words back? It seems simplistic, but there is so much wisdom in that advice. I love to write because I love words. When wielded correctly, they are both beautiful and powerful. But anything that is powerful is also dangerous, and words spoken in anger can be terrible, terrible things.
Back in my teenage years, I had a problem with my temper. I came by it honestly, from my mom. But when I saw through her how much damage it could do to those who mean the most to you, I decided I didn't want to do that to those I love. So I worked very hard at learning to control my temper, and it's not always easy. Sometimes it still gets the best of me, but there is a line I will not cross, there are things I will not say. More often, though, I probably surpress anger more than I should. Maybe that's not the best way, but to me, it's better then taking the chance of saying something I can't take back, of crossing a line that can't be crossed back over.
But what do you do when someone else crosses that line?
I think that most of my friends think I am a strong person. They're wrong. I'm fragile and weak, and that's why I put up this wall. Every time I've let somebody in, trusted someone not to hurt me, just to find that trust was misplaced, it hurts so much that I think I can't do it again, can't trust someone else. So that people can't see how weak I really am, I usually hide the extent of the hurt. You might catch me shedding a tear or two, but most of the crying I do will be in my pillow at night. And still, for some reason, I eventually let somebody else in, past the safety wall.
There is one person in my life who knows me better than anybody else. And he is the one person who I've never worried about letting too close, because he is the one person I thought I would never have to worry about hurting me. Now that I realize I was wrong about that, I'm back to square one when it comes to deciding who is "safe" to let in.
Do you remember when your parents or teachers told you to be careful what you say, because you can't take words back? It seems simplistic, but there is so much wisdom in that advice. I love to write because I love words. When wielded correctly, they are both beautiful and powerful. But anything that is powerful is also dangerous, and words spoken in anger can be terrible, terrible things.
Back in my teenage years, I had a problem with my temper. I came by it honestly, from my mom. But when I saw through her how much damage it could do to those who mean the most to you, I decided I didn't want to do that to those I love. So I worked very hard at learning to control my temper, and it's not always easy. Sometimes it still gets the best of me, but there is a line I will not cross, there are things I will not say. More often, though, I probably surpress anger more than I should. Maybe that's not the best way, but to me, it's better then taking the chance of saying something I can't take back, of crossing a line that can't be crossed back over.
But what do you do when someone else crosses that line?
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
The first five minutes
I know why men think women are crazy--because we are. We can't decide how we feel. One minute I'm pining over someone who's told me that if it weren't for this one circumstance about our situation that really shouldn't be that big of a deal, we would probably be really close. But he's afraid to take a chance on something that could be great.
A few days later, I'm looking at him and thinking, "There are some things about him I really like, but there are some things about him that would drive me absolutely nuts!" The question is, would the things I like about him outweigh the things that would drive me to the brink of insanity? All speaking hypothetically, of course, since he's afraid to date me--I have great luck with relationships, huh?
So here comes the five-minute rule. A rule invented by my sometimes-wise, sometimes certifiably crazy friend who I'm no longer allowed to mention by name online. But the five-minute rule was definitely one of his moments of wisdom. The five-minute rule goes like this: You have to look past the first five minutes with someone. How you feel during the first five minutes when you see them, during the first five minutes when you part, and the figurative first five minutes of the relationship. Because no matter how great you feel in the first five minutes that you see them, or how lonely in the first five minutes when they leave, or how on cloud nine you are at the beginning of the relationship, you still have to deal with all the minutes that come after the first five.
So after I wrote my last post, I started thinking that it was ridiculous to expend so much energy and emotion on someone who I might never be with, and if I am, who might not pass the five-minute test. I decide I need to at least try to meet some new people. And I've been talking to a couple of guys who seem really nice, but I find myself being very cynical, and I've figured out why.
There's a flaw in the five-minute rule. I'm not sure if there's anyone who can pass it. Maybe I'm not patient enough, maybe I'm not tolerant enough, I don't know. But everybody that I know drives me crazy in some way or another, even those who are closest to me and who I love with all my heart. But I put my sanity at risk because I love them. So there's an amendment to the five-minute rule--you have to decide if a person is worth risking your sanity, is worth loving.
A few days later, I'm looking at him and thinking, "There are some things about him I really like, but there are some things about him that would drive me absolutely nuts!" The question is, would the things I like about him outweigh the things that would drive me to the brink of insanity? All speaking hypothetically, of course, since he's afraid to date me--I have great luck with relationships, huh?
So here comes the five-minute rule. A rule invented by my sometimes-wise, sometimes certifiably crazy friend who I'm no longer allowed to mention by name online. But the five-minute rule was definitely one of his moments of wisdom. The five-minute rule goes like this: You have to look past the first five minutes with someone. How you feel during the first five minutes when you see them, during the first five minutes when you part, and the figurative first five minutes of the relationship. Because no matter how great you feel in the first five minutes that you see them, or how lonely in the first five minutes when they leave, or how on cloud nine you are at the beginning of the relationship, you still have to deal with all the minutes that come after the first five.
So after I wrote my last post, I started thinking that it was ridiculous to expend so much energy and emotion on someone who I might never be with, and if I am, who might not pass the five-minute test. I decide I need to at least try to meet some new people. And I've been talking to a couple of guys who seem really nice, but I find myself being very cynical, and I've figured out why.
There's a flaw in the five-minute rule. I'm not sure if there's anyone who can pass it. Maybe I'm not patient enough, maybe I'm not tolerant enough, I don't know. But everybody that I know drives me crazy in some way or another, even those who are closest to me and who I love with all my heart. But I put my sanity at risk because I love them. So there's an amendment to the five-minute rule--you have to decide if a person is worth risking your sanity, is worth loving.
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
Moving on... or not
I just finished my eighth straight day of work, and I've got five more to go. I feel like I'm back in journalism. :( I'm tired, and I've got a friend coming into town this weekend, so by the time I finally get a day off on Tuesday, I'm going to be exhausted. In other words, I might not bother posting anything for a week or so.
I don't know why I'm writing tonight, because I need to just go ahead and crawl in bed. But I just feel like I need to, because I'm frustrated. I have a dilemma. How do you stop liking someone who you know cares about you and who's never treated you badly--especially when you see him every day? It's never been too hard for me to get over someone before. If a guy I like doesn't return the affection, well, unrequitted love doesn't do much for me, so I move on. And if a guy doesn't treat me right and it's time to go--it may hurt for a little while, but it doesn't take long to get over wanting to be with him.
But here's a situation I've never dealt with before. A guy who likes me. A guy who flirts with me all the time. A guy who makes me smile even when I don't want to. A guy who has always treated me with respect and always been honest with me. A guy who was never the guy I expected to fall for. BUT, he's afraid to pursue a relationship because of outside circumstances.
It's not that I'm in a hurry to be in a relationship--I haven't been out of one that long. It's just I want to be with him. I like spending time with him, and talking with him. I want to be able to confide in him, to go to him when I need a hug, and I want him to be able to do the same.
He's been sick the past couple of days, and all I can think about is how much I want to be the one to take care of him. I want to call him, make sure he's okay. I know it's just the flu or a cold and he'll be fine, but everybody needs someone to baby them when they're sick--I want to be that someone. But I'm resisting the urge to call him, because I don't want to pressure him.
So what do I do now? Be patient and see if the situation changes? See if how I feel changes? I told him I wasn't going to sit around and wait for something that might never happen. But, for the moment anyway, I don't know what choice I have. It wouldn't be fair of me to pursue something with someone else, because it would be just a temporary distraction. Maybe I'll meet someone who'll just blow me away and make me forget about him. But I doubt it, while I'm still tied in knots over him. So I guess I keep living life without him, on my own, and see if the feeling fades.
I don't know why I'm writing tonight, because I need to just go ahead and crawl in bed. But I just feel like I need to, because I'm frustrated. I have a dilemma. How do you stop liking someone who you know cares about you and who's never treated you badly--especially when you see him every day? It's never been too hard for me to get over someone before. If a guy I like doesn't return the affection, well, unrequitted love doesn't do much for me, so I move on. And if a guy doesn't treat me right and it's time to go--it may hurt for a little while, but it doesn't take long to get over wanting to be with him.
But here's a situation I've never dealt with before. A guy who likes me. A guy who flirts with me all the time. A guy who makes me smile even when I don't want to. A guy who has always treated me with respect and always been honest with me. A guy who was never the guy I expected to fall for. BUT, he's afraid to pursue a relationship because of outside circumstances.
It's not that I'm in a hurry to be in a relationship--I haven't been out of one that long. It's just I want to be with him. I like spending time with him, and talking with him. I want to be able to confide in him, to go to him when I need a hug, and I want him to be able to do the same.
He's been sick the past couple of days, and all I can think about is how much I want to be the one to take care of him. I want to call him, make sure he's okay. I know it's just the flu or a cold and he'll be fine, but everybody needs someone to baby them when they're sick--I want to be that someone. But I'm resisting the urge to call him, because I don't want to pressure him.
So what do I do now? Be patient and see if the situation changes? See if how I feel changes? I told him I wasn't going to sit around and wait for something that might never happen. But, for the moment anyway, I don't know what choice I have. It wouldn't be fair of me to pursue something with someone else, because it would be just a temporary distraction. Maybe I'll meet someone who'll just blow me away and make me forget about him. But I doubt it, while I'm still tied in knots over him. So I guess I keep living life without him, on my own, and see if the feeling fades.
Because of Seuss
Because of Seuss I love to read,
His genius filled a gaping need.
Children everywhere, his books, his crazy creatures treasure,
While the Cat in the Hat, Sam I Am and Horton teach us lessons only the heart can measure.
Of all the children's books I ever read, Only his rhymes still dance in my head.
What books could have such staying power? That young and old could listen to them by the hour?
Today we celebrate 101 years since his birth.
Few men have given greater gifts to earth,
Then to show a child the beauty, the magic in a word.
No doubt 101 years from now his books will still be heard.
His genius filled a gaping need.
Children everywhere, his books, his crazy creatures treasure,
While the Cat in the Hat, Sam I Am and Horton teach us lessons only the heart can measure.
Of all the children's books I ever read, Only his rhymes still dance in my head.
What books could have such staying power? That young and old could listen to them by the hour?
Today we celebrate 101 years since his birth.
Few men have given greater gifts to earth,
Then to show a child the beauty, the magic in a word.
No doubt 101 years from now his books will still be heard.
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