City Lights

Thursday my boss called me into her office and asked if I would like to go along with the sales staff for this huge trade show in NYC. Hell yeah!

I'm not in sales, I'm a writer, so it's not normally the kind of thing I'd go along for, this is a reward for the work I've done since starting there in January.

I've been to New York once, for a weekend. It was in '98, my sophomore year of college--a trip I took with an honors fine arts class. I hadn't been that excited about the trip beforehand. I didn't know many people in the class that well, and at this point in my life I hadn't really been to many "big cities," growing up in the small town of Grove City, Pennsylvania--aka, Bubble City. I was also only beginning to escape the coccoon of painful shyness that I hid in during high school, so the prospect of going to New York City was a bit intimidating to say the least.

I was definitely surprised. I immediately fell in love with the city. It was so big and vast--here you could do anything, be anyone, meet any kind of person. With so many people, it kind of erased the need to be self-conscious. Walking along the busy streets there, who was going to notice if I were having a bad hair day? Or if I needed to lose five pounds? There was freedom for me in that anonymity.

Even more than that, I loved the allure of seeing, experiencing, hearing new things. But all of it had to be packed into three short days. Luckily, we got a lot in--the Metropolitan Museum of Art, the Museum of Modern Art, St. Patrick's Cathedral, the Empire State Building, Times Square, an off-Broadway show and Radio City Music Hall.

Ever since that trip, I've always wanted to go back, but have yet to make it. That desire only grew after Sept. 11. I need to go to Ground Zero. Everybody does. I didn't know anybody personally affected by the tragedy, but I believe, as an American citizen, I need to stand there and remember and mourn.

Not just for those who were lost that day, but for the family and friends they left behind; for a nation that has lost its innocence; for a nation that responded in the best possible way immediately after a tragedy; for a nation that has now lost its focus and not learned the lesson of that day; and for the soldiers who have fought and are still fighting an unjustified war in the name of revenge.

In just a little more than a month, I will be back in the Big Apple, a far different person than I was the first time I was there, in likely a far different city. Since then I have been to London, traveled most of the Southeast, was even fortunate enough to make it to Mardi Gras before Katrina hit. I've struck out on my own, had some huge career moments, fallen in love, fallen out of love, had my heart broken, made friendships and lost friendships. I am fortunate, blessed and very aware of it.

Anybody who knew me before I left Pennsylvania and still knows me now can tell you that I bear little resemblance to the quiet, insecure girl who left that little town almost 10 years ago. I still see remnants of that girl from time to time, but it's very seldom. In fact, when the topic of what you were like in high school comes up and I mention how extremely shy I was--most people who know me now find it hard to believe.

That self-transformation began about the same time as my first trip to New York, I can't wait to find out how I will see the city now, through new eyes.