Yes, I realize I should post more than once every four months

It's been a busy year, so give me a break already, will ya?

And for once when I say "I've been busy," it's the truth, not just an excuse for being too lazy to blog. And I have been blogging--just not here. I was spending most of my writing hours on the blog I created to document training for my first half marathon, through Team in Training (amonthtoremember.blogspot.com if you want to check it out after the fact).

I had intended to post at least sporadically here, too, on the non-running parts of my life. And there were lots of non-running parts of my life to talk about. Problem was, they were either things I didn't really want to share with the rest of the world, or between the non-running and running parts of my life, I was just too busy to write about them.

Here, I'll try to give you a quick recap, without going into too much detail--freelance writing, freelance photography, moving, friends getting new jobs and Grandma.

Most of that's not worth writing about after the fact, so I'll stick to the one thing that is--Grandma.

My Grandma Snyder (my mom's mom) has been sick since Christmas. She's had weeks that have been not-so-bad, but she's had a lot of bad weeks too. She was hospitalized Christmas Day with pneumonia, which has yet to clear up and has caused lots of complications--some that were just not a lot of fun and some that were life-threatening. Early in May, I made a mad drive home to Pennsylvania because she had been admitted to the ICU with dangerously low blood pressure and a racing pulse.

As I was writing this, I got a text from my mom saying the doctors had just finished a procedure to put in a feeding tube for her, since last week they discovered she is aspirating her food. After half a year of fighting pneumonia, they finally sent her to a lung specialist, who ordered a bronchioscope. The test revealed food particles building up in her lungs and blocking her airways. So now she has a feeding tube and is allowed no food or even liquids by mouth.

My Grandma turned 81 in April. Before this winter, she had experienced her share of health problems that sometimes come with age--high blood pressure, diabetes, aching joints. She also has COPD, a disease common among smokers and ex-smokers (which my Grandma is not) that causes deteriorating lung function. But for the most part, she was in good health for her age. She was a "senior citizen" last year. This year, she's elderly.

It was hard to see her so sick at Christmas, and I extended my stay at home to spend a little more time with her. By the time I left, she seemed to be on the rebound. That didn't last. As sick and helpless as she was then, it was nothing compared to seeing her in the ICU, where she looked just completely frail and breakable. She'd lost 40 pounds by then, and just seemed to disappear under the blankets on her bed. She had tubes and wires attached everywhere, her face was ashen and her arms were covered in bruises where they had attempted either to get an I.V. line or draw blood.

My Grandma is one of the most amazing people I know. She raised my mom and her brother by herself, in a time when that wasn't so common, and support systems not so readily available. For her grandkids, she would sacrifice anything. And she is the kind of person who never asks for help but is always ready to give it.

My friend Randi has dealt with pneuomonia herself, a couple of times. When I mentioned the other day that it had been more than six months since Grandma was originally diagnosed with pneumonia, Randi said she could not even imagine dealing with that for so long, plus all the complications and infections that have come with it. She said, "I know where your strength comes from. It comes from her, because you have to be strong to get through that."

I know my Grandma is strong and a fighter. The problem is, right now I don't want her to have to be strong anymore. I just want her to be better.